OH-EM-GEE! I just heard the craziest thing about...

Today's edition of Rollingstone.com features an article on the best rumors in rock and roll. Many of them are common knowledge like

24. Robert Johnson sold his soul to the devil in exchange for his guitar-playing gifts.

Some are rediculous:

10. Gene Simmons had a cow tongue grafted onto his own tongue after a car accident.

And some of them are absolute gems.

For example, did you know that

7. Jim Morrison was killed by members of the Nixon administration/faked his own death/died from a heart attack brought on by masturbating in a Parisian bathtub.

I didn't know that. I think that I'm going to stick with the idea that the Nixon administration did him in and consequently, did the world a favor. This way we can all agree that it didn't like talentless, fat and lewd rock grandpas either.

Or how about this one:

11. Rod Stewart/Lil’ Kim/Jordan Knight had to get their respective stomachs pumped after ingesting a gallon of semen.

Ok... so dying when you're 27, yes. Sleeping with as many groupies as possible, sure. Saying "Thank you Cleveland!" when you're actually in Philly, of course. But I was unaware that guzzling down man-juice was a rite of passage in the world of rock and roll. So let's give a sticky hand to these pioneers. Bravo, Rod Stewart/Lil’ Kim/Jordan Knight! Are the Fall Out Boys of the world paying attention? I hope so.

But my personal favorite - and maybe it's because I'm a sick fuck - is this one:

20. Bob Ezrin, who produced Lou Reed’s Berlin, got the anguished children’s cries you hear on “The Kids” by telling his own children their mother was dead and recording the sounds they made.

With most of the items on this list you can sort of brush it off and go "Oh, that didn't really happen!" But for some reason I can believe that Ezrin and Reed were sitting around in the studio, shooting poison into their arms and up into their noses, and hankering for a laugh. So why not tell the kids that mommy is dead? I have never heard the song, but you can be sure that I'm going to go download it and then I'm going to laugh at the image of 10 year olds crying their eyes out because I know that Lou Reed was doubled over in laughter in the next room.

And therein lies the beauty of the rock myth. The utter disgust, discomfort, and disapointment that is felt (or at least most people feel) towards stories like these tends to draw the curious consumer closer to... well.. consuming. The next time you you hear "Do you think I'm sexy?" you're not going to be able to shake the idea of Rod Stewart with a tube stuffed down his throat. I never will. But boy, does that song make me wanna shake my ass.

Maybe I'll go buy it on iTunes in *crisp* 256kbs mp3 format. And then I'll perpetuate the myth by sending it, DRM-free, to you too.